you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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