can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
