do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
