i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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