the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
