My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
