EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Two words: nipple clamps
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