So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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