Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
