i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
