I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
