I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
