Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
