she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
