Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
