your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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