I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
