you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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