But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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