he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
