called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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