i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
