she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
