what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
