oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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