I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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