Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
