We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
