lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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