Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
