By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
did you just send me my own nude
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize