How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
