So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
