What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize