Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to calm my uterus...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
