Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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