of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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