Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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