Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
