They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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