I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize