I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
