The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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