The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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