i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize