is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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