Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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