Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
