watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
