so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
