bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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