just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
