hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
