Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
