I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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