How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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