even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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