There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
