so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
