I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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