haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
