I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
