Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I deserve this hangover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
