so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
